Knot a bad start

It seems it is time to start the first item on the 30 before 30 bucket list!

I know you’re excited.

I’m excited!!!

Naturally, I’ve started with something pretty simple, ease myself in to it, ya know.

Well. You’d be delighted to know, I’ve begun with knitting. My mum has added to my 30 before thirty list by requesting that I learn how to knit.

Good one mum.

My nanna used to knit when she still walked this earth, and so it does feel pretty sweet to be doing this and reconnecting with her, in a stretch of the sense. Bless. RIP Nan.

First things first, I need tools! Not many; knitting needles, wool. Done. Wow that was easy. Maybe this knocking things off my bucket list business isn’t so bad after all!

I can see it in lights already:

MCNERRY CONQUERS BUCKET LIST WITH 6 MONTHS TO SPARE, ASKS “WHAT NOW!?”

MCNERRY IS FUCKING EXCELLENT, SMASHES LIFE SHATTERING LIST OUT IN HALF THE TIME, REQUESTS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE NOMINATION.

To say, at that stage, that I am feeling confident, is the understatement of the century.

After a very alcohol infused weekend that was my birthday week (read my intro post, birth week is actually for schmucks, go for birth YEAR!), I decide that a follow on weekend should be quiet, and calm, and consist of spending my Sunday night knitting. I’m actually quite excited about it!

Mum has offered to teach me, and I may take her up on it, but I wanted to chill at home and so decide that Google is my friend, and any friend of Google’s is a friend of mine.
Search: ‘learn to knit’
Excellent. Great second step.
Now, have you ever tried to learn something pictorially, thinking it would be a breeze, actually start trying to learn and it’s spectacularly fucking hard?
Yeah, me too.
Knitting.

So, apparently you start the ‘cast off’ process by creating a slip knot.

Don’t get me wrong, once I created the slip knot, I realised its pretty fucking easy. Trying to learn said slip knot pictorially… Not so much. Reading the instructions?
Worse.

YouTube video?
Not much better.

Eventually, after looking at at least 3 pictures, 1 drawing and 2 YouTube demonstrations, I have a slip knot.

Now, the cast off. Forgive me for my ignorance, but I can’t stop taking that reference to fishing. Why does the English language insist on copying so many damn sayings and words with fairly different meanings? Boourns. #ENDRANT

After the first fail of learning today, I know what I’m looking for in a tutorial: simple pictures, minimal words, succinct descriptions.
Excellent.

I keep searching until the above prerequisites are met, and before you know it I’m casting off! Fuck me, before you know it, I am nailing this cast off bizo like a bloody champion!

MCNERRY: FASTEST KNITTING LEARNER OF ALL TIME.

Smug, next understatement.

Well, the universe has cocked it’s leg at me and knocked me right off that smug-as-fuck high horse and this is why I am writing.

I can’t knit.

I, right now, incredibly suck at knitting.

So fucking much.

I tried and tried and dropped stitch after stitch and finally placed down my pearly purple needles and multi-shaded blue wool and decide I needed a breather. And so, what perfect time to write about my experience.

Just quietly, I am damn proud that no tantrum was thrown! No knitting needle violently poked into the couch. No ball of wool untangled in a fit of uncontrollable knitters rage. No cat was woken up, nor copped the yelling and obscene language of a McNerry tantrum. Neither needle has been snapped in two!
That deserves one very patronising pat the back.
Pat.
Pat.
Pat.

Now I guess I must return to said wool, but not before one last contemplation….
Yarn. I can’t call it yarn. I feel like I am a part of an American high school’s home economics class when I say the word yarn! Wool, damnit, it’s wool!!!

And now, I knit. Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

Somehow I think that this 30 before thirty list will be more than 30 posts!

I’ll post a photo soon once I’ve finished my first batch (batch?) of knitting.

Until then xx

 

4 thoughts on “Knot a bad start

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